Are You Getting in the Way?

Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart occasionally, I'm certain that many of us would find at least one moment during our day where we could pause, reflect on a situation, and see something that we can do to make a difference in someone else's life.

The pace of life and work has increased a lot and I daresay we don't give as much thought as we could to the circumstances of other people's lives. Sometimes, we're so caught up in our own struggle that we don't think we can even afford the time to "give" our time, suggestions, talents, to others. And yet, if we do, we are rewarded.

We are often times, throughout our lives, able to experience richness, synchronicity, and reward through small acts of generosity. This isn't even about money, although sometimes the rewards will impact our financial status as well. And yet, we fail too often when we are so self-absorbed or consumed by our own situation thinking we'd give up too much by helping.

So, this is just a gentle reminder for all of us to pay attention to at least one "little thing" that will make a difference for someone else. Try to make it for someone you don't know well or don't know at all; family and friends are too easy and natural.

By Lee Down

Principles of Human Misery / Happiness

Sometimes we are so occupied with our daily routine in life that we forget that "we" are the most important element of our existence. We need to be nourished in order to grow.

When we look at the people around us, we most likely find that most people's favorite pastime is to complain. And just why do we complain anyway? Is it because we need something? Is it that we lack something? Is it that we need or want sympathy? Is it because we need attention? Is it just that we just like to complain; or is it that we just like to hear ourselves talk? Is it becoming a pattern with you? These are some of the most common elements that describe our problem.

I generated a list that can either make us happy, or it can make us miserable. Sometimes we need to draw the line for ourselves, and we are the only ones who can do that!

Be Happy!

1- Just simply be happy and content with yourself, and who you are.

2- Love yourself.

3- Accept yourself for who you are, and as you are.

4- Life is simple, stop trying to complicate it.

5- Life is about understanding. The lessons and experiences you have are only for your own growth and for better soul awareness.

6- Discover who you are, and your soul, and get acquainted with that

7- Make some time for yourself every day.

8- Learn to listen.

9- Pay attention to your child(ren), help your elders, and you will feel fulfilled.

10-Be good to yourself.

11-Accept humiliation as part of your growth.

12-Always have peace of mind. It's not easy, but try to create it.

Life isn't what challenges us, "we" challenge "ourselves".

Be Miserable!

1- Do live for other people and feel miserable.

2- Do look to others for support, become dependent on others.

3- Do live up to a fake image that is not you.

4- Do take care of everyone before yourself.

5- Do always negate yourself.

6- Do love others before loving yourself.

7- Do live according to traditions just to please others or do things that do not fit in with your own philosophy in life.

8- Do live other people's life karma who they are. That including your family. Live your own life karma.

9- Become greedy, jealous, stubborn, or too sensitive to accept criticism.

10-Do allow your ego and pride to take over your life.

Life is simple so let's stop complicating it.

Choices are out there. It is up to you to choose your own direction in life. It is very important to realize that we hold our own destiny in life, and no one else's. It is also very important to understand your own rights, because you do have FREE WILL. Even the GOD, which I refer to as a "Great Energy Force", that you believe in respects your Free Will because you are part of this GOD and that energy is in us always. If your GOD does not respect that, then it becomes a contradiction and goes against all that's out there in all religions. This "great energy force" is all about love, forgiveness and compassion, and not anything else.

When our GOD will respect our Free Will, why aren't we humans respecting each other's Free Will? In many instances we have been raped of our Free Will by the many limitations which are inflicted upon us every day. Such limitations can manipulate the direction we will take in our lives, thus affecting our karma. We do this as individuals and as a society.

When a human Soul says NO to someone, it does NOT mean YES or that they can try to manipulate the other person in order to change their decision, by tapping into their weaker side. No means No and that has to be respected at all times otherwise we are creating karma for our soul.

As a society, we witness this being manifested throughout history by every empire, civilization, or source of power that had surfaced over time. They all came, and disappeared quickly. Why is that? Very simple! When these civilizations were taking control over other civilizations, against their Free Will and their way of life, it helped to create a deep anger, and frustration and all kind of energies that accumulated and became a universal force which was ready to explode at the right time. At the same time these civilizations became greedier, and wanted to control everything until things started to crack and fall apart. We have seen this throughout history and, as we know, history has a way of repeating itself because we never learn. While the pattern remains misunderstood, we will keep repeating it until we learn the intended lesson. I will go over, at a future date, the concept of a nine-year cycle for us as individuals, and how we can apply it to our society.

Money is power - power is control. In our universe there is an abundance of this. Once we learn to share this money, or power, we'll manage not to be afraid that someone will be taking something away from us. Then we will have peace. This kind of inner peace, and the cycle of life, will move us to higher ground. Until then there will be no peace in ourselves. Example: Take rich 'powerful' men. Forget what they can buy, the majority of them are NOT happy and they will always feel like there is something missing, or that cannot be bought with money. Why is this? Very simple, until that rich man learns and understands his wealth and is sharing it with his fellow man and not just giving it away for the sake of giving it (perhaps as a tax write off) that peace will never be found. It is all about sharing the knowledge on how to make it, and to never be afraid that by sharing it they would have anything taken away from them, because there is always an abundance of wealth in the universe. The minute they learn this, they will start to find fulfillment in their life. Consider this for a moment!

So what is Free Will in the first place?

Free Will is very simple. As human beings, it is the one thing that we hold as our ticket in life and that allows us to change the direction of our life when we choose to actually use it.

Free Will, in my view, is the way we perceive our life as well as the way we portray ourselves. When we always see ourselves as victims then there is no place for Free Will in our subconscious. When we see ourselves progress, we see that we have a choice to make a difference, and then we are using our Free Will. We might think that we have no opinion or have no choice in the matter because this is what our society has dictated to us. Many of these influences came upon us only in order to help control our views, and direct us to what they think might suit them, and not necessarily us.

Some of us do not believe in Free Will. That is alright with me because that is their choice and they have the Free Will to do so. I respect this. Believing in Free Will or not, you are still exercising it in your daily life whether you know it or not. Just simply by saying YES or No! How come? Your circumstances and direction in life are dependent on that YES or NO choice that you take and you will live according to that decision. It was your choice wasn't it?

In human terms as an example, it is like the Veto that they have in the United Nations, when countries vote on a resolution. Certain countries have the veto power to turn down a resolution. Now Free Will is given to us to use anytime we need to take a decision in life. Why? In life we are held responsible for all of our decisions, and should not feel guilty any time we use it. It is given to us from that "Great Energy Force" that created our universe, and space, and that allowed us to come here and experiment our growth and evolution in order to be enlightened and progress.

In the end, you can live happily or you can live miserably. Take your life in your own hands and make your own choices! Simplify instead of complicating life.

Copyright © Joseph Ghabi www.freespiritcentre.info. All rights reserved.


By Joseph Ghabi

The Key To A Problem-Free Life

What comes to your mind when you see someone who has a perpetual smile on her face and always looks at things on the bright side? Do you wish you could strangle that person or do you wonder how she accomplishes looking peaceful and without a care in the world. Well, I'd hope that once you get past the wanting to strangle the person, you'd ask yourself what it is that makes that person tick the way she does? I'd venture to guess that the person leads a problem-free life! Am I saying that this person doesn't face challenges and obstacles? Absolutely not! It's all about how she perceives these challenges and the thought process she applies. Have I sparked your interest?!

Well, I don't want to mislead you either? A problem-free life doesn't mean that you won't still face problems or challenges. The key to a problem-free life is entirely related to how you deal with the challenges that enter your path. It's really all about choices when it comes to handling a problem. Here are some of the steps I recommend to "tackling problems" and creating a problem-free life:

1. Decide that you are not your problems.

Make a decision to not let the situation rent space in your head.

2. Don't react, instead respond by:

Not taking on other people's problems. Yes, this includes your family and friends!

- Don't be afraid to say No. You can't fix everything in the world. Other people need to learn their own lessons. It can be hard to teach your spouse and children initially. Just stick to it!

Writing out your thoughts about the situation. Has this "problem" entered your life before? How have you handled the situation in the past? If you haven't, why not?

Knowing that living in crisis mode has become quite the norm in today's world. You might think that your life becomes boring without constantly coming to the rescue. However, believe me on this one - there are plenty of wonderful things that will take that space?

3. Think about an immediate and long-term solution. Focus on what this situation can bring to your life versus being caught in the moment.

There could be a wonderful learning lesson in the situation. If you can detach yourself from the momentum the situation has created, the lesson will typically appear.

4. And finally - remind yourself that you have the skills to deal with any situation! You wouldn't be dealt this situation if you couldn't handle it!

Remember - a problem-free life is only a decision away? I hope you make that decision today! I know that you may be reading the above and saying that it all sounds good in theory. However, when the situations arise, you just can't follow through. My suggestion to you is that you start with "small problems" initially until you get more comfortable with your new approach. It does work!

The Personal Cost of Shyness

Has someone nearby been sending you emails rather than calling or meeting you face-to-face? When you do get together, does she or he stand back, avoid holding eye contact, or speaking up?

While there are many possible reasons for their behavior, that person may, in fact, be a victim of what has become "the third most prevalent psychiatric disorder" according to Dr. Lynne Henderson, a director of The Shyness Clinic. Yes, shyness.

Along with Dr. Phil Zimbardo of Stanford University, Henderson has been studying what they believe is a growing social epidemic. In their research, nearly half of Americans describe themselves as chronically shy. Another 40% considered themselves as previously shy and only about 5% believed they were never shy. Dr. Zimbardo intends to draw more public attention to this disorder in his role as the new president of the American Psychological Assocation.

Shy people tend to smile, touch and speak less. In social situations they experience symptoms such as rapid heart beat, perspiration, and butterflies in the stomach . . . often. Henderson and Zimbardo say that shyness is a form of excessive self- preoccupation. Shy people think more negative thoughts about themselves, are more likely to expect to be rejected and perceive others as less approachable than less shy people.

They are even more likely to forget information presented to them when they believe that they are being evaluated. In short, the world looks like a scary, unfriendly place, so, ironically, they prove themselves right and often look unapproachable.

At what cost? Shy people obviously have more trouble meeting people, conversing, forming relationships -- participating in life. Professor emeritus Thomas Harrell of Stanford University examined Stanford M.B.A.'s over a 20 year period to elicit their "success" factor and found that,"The number one factor linked with success was social extroversion, the ability to speak up, something that shy people are least apt to do.

The bad news continues. In addition to the pervasive loneliness which shyness engenders, two potent, negative consequences of shyness are

1) greater health problems because shy people tend to have a weak network of friends and are thus less resilient to illness and less likely to even tell give doctors sufficient information to be treated, and

2) likely to make less money, live up to their potential at work or feel appreciated for their contributions.

Metaphorically, shyness is a shrinking back from life that weakens the bonds of human connection. In her book, "That's Not What I Meant", Dr. Deborah Tannen wrote that, "Little of what we say is really important, relative to the words that are used, but it is the conversation itself that shows involvement."

Why are more American describing themselves as shy? Is it our growing social isolation? Machines are replacing humans in many of our everyday interactions, from bank ATMs to gas stations to Email. Dr. Henderson believes that, "The growing context of indifference to others means a lowered priority is being given to being social." With less time spent in face-to-face interaction people are feeliing less comfortable with their ability to connect when they do want that closeness, turning modern-day shy.

What can you do to reach out through your shyness? Shyness expert, Jonathan Berent, offers four pieces of advice which I have paraphrased:

1. When you feel safe you do not feel shy.

Seek out and create safe environments to experience the non-shy parts of yourself, where you can be completely yourself without fear of judgment or negative consequences.

2. You are responsible for your actions, not your feelings.

A natural instinct is to be driven to get rid of uncomfortable feelings. But you can remove feelings or control them. You can only feel them and then move onto what you want to feel or do next.

3. Your feelings are not within your control, but your follow-up thoughts and actions are.

Trying not to feel shy leads you to trying not to feel at all. Try stuffing your feelings and you may turn compulsive, obsessive, addicted to something or someone and/or withdraw.

If you try to stay with your feeling of shyness and see the worst that you can feel, then, over time, you know that you can survive, and even thrive in situation that had seemed scary.

4. Shy people are often attracted to those who do not return the affection which is a very painful way of creating safety.

Knowing this, you can become more aware of people who are comfortable enough to reciprocate your reaching out.

One final personal note. Most of my childhood I was quiet and kept to myself, mostly because I enjoyed daydreaming and reading. But most people thought that I was shy. In fact a school therapist diagnosed me as "phobically shy." I saw how isolating their view of me could make my life if I did not learn to reach out more so that people would be comfortable with me when I did want to connect.

We all know from harsh experience that, while everyone yearns to be known and cared for, not everyone knows how to show appreciation in the face of caring. You "say it better" to connect and care, not because those gestures will always be acknowledged, but because, it is your brave and warm expression of how you want to live your life. Yes?

By Kare Anderson

Powered by Qumana

What Is Happiness?

What is it that everyone is seeking? Happiness with no sorrow. A continuous happiness with no taint whatsoever of sorrow.~Lester Levenson

Happiness is our basic nature.

We rarely find it because we are not in touch with our basic nature. Instead we look for happiness everywhere where it doesn't exist.

The world equates happiness with fulfilling a desire. Yet every goal achieved and every possession finally owned is a fleeting pleasure.

I do appreciate what I have. Yes, I am grateful for it. However, satisfaction and pleasure are not the same as happiness.

Again, one can be loved, even adored, and still not be happy. People, for example, considered Elvis Presley adorable. He was beautiful, talented, and kind-hearted. Yet, he, himself, was not happy.

What, then, is happiness?

Everybody craves it, but few enjoy it. And those that do enjoy it, do so only fleetingly. Seasons pass and what was once considered a source of endless delight fades in its glory.

The closest we can get to happiness is through love. Loving stimulates happiness.

This happiness arises when we give love. It arises because love, too, is our basic nature.

Thus, when we love, we are happy; and we are happy because we are being ourselves, expressing our true nature.

Our true nature is happiness. This is the quality of soul. In fact, soul, in its primal aspect, is a consciousness that is blissful, wise, and powerful beyond measure.

However, we seldom experience our true nature and seldom get in touch with our souls because the limitations of thought shadow the soul the way clouds hide the sun.

It is the task of every person to discover their own soul. This quest is fulfilled through spiritual practices.

As we shed our illusions about the nature of the world and our relationship to it, we become more aware of our own luminosity.

When we give, love, and share, we touch upon the majesty of our soul. We bring it out into the world. We slip out from behind the veil of mind and show ourselves.

One who has stripped away all veneer of thought, all layers of mind, becomes ensouled. When the mind is quiet there is nothing left over but the infinite Self.


By Saleem Rana

Have Fun, Make Friends, Be Happy

I always marvel at the way people shine when they break through a roadblock in their lives. It's brilliant and it's also incredibly attracting. There's a sense of joy and freedom that is almost palpable.

Val is a great example. When she started in my workshop, she was feeling overwhelmed with financial and health lack issues. Never enough money, held back by life's circumstances, and her physical body was challenged, to say the least.

As she began applying the tools to release her old beliefs, and saw the immediate responses from the Universe as she began to manifest, she became almost giddy, playful and childlike. She was having FUN!

I have found this is one of the most desirable states for manifesting in our lives. Pure, unadulterated joy and bliss as we allow ourselves to be happy!

At this vibration we are able to tap into and connect with the cosmic forces of creation in a way that is incredibly powerful. The response is automatic and immediate, continuing to delight us and allowing us to soar to even higher levels of consciousness and bliss!

She began to use the tools with confidence and certainty. She consciously chose to be happy and to have fun! Frustrated in trying to reach her chiropractor for an appointment, she used the process and received a call from their office 15 minutes later for an appointment 20 minutes later (unheard of in her experience!).

Calling stores all over and unable to find more invitations for her daughter's wedding, she used the process and a store called her as soon as she'd finished to say they'd found some of them in stock!

This happens all the time. The miracles and the magic start to happen! One time an acquaintance called me for help. She had deleted a message on her machine from a woman who wanted to book her for a paid speaking engagement. She had no idea how to reach the woman, so we used the process to envision the woman calling her and the engagement being successfully booked.

The woman called her later in the day, apologized for not returning her call sooner (she'd never called her!), and even sent her an email to confirm her interest!!! The engagement was booked, successfully, and all went well.

Sometimes we forget to allow the Universe to take actions in our lives. Sometimes we forget to choose to be happy.

If we hold the belief that "it's all up to us" or that we "have to do everything ourselves" we are turning our backs on the most powerful force in our lives.

When my son was younger, I sent him off to school with these wishes: "Have fun. Make friends. Be happy." That was what I truly wished for him to experience. As I look at those words now I realize they were really quite wonderful!

How many of us are having an inner dialogue that is encouraging us to have an incredibly amazing day? How many of us are walking out our doors each morning with joyful anticipation of all the fun that lies ahead, almost as if we have the chance to enjoy an entire day at Disneyland? How many of us are making the conscious choice to be happy?

Trust the Universe and ask for help. Give yourself the endorsements and encouragement you deserve. Everything you desire is already there for you.

Remember this is a vast, rich Universe that we live in, and there is a limitless supply of everything available to us all. Just open your arms wide and prepare to receive all that is already yours by Divine right.

And just for tomorrow as you leave your house or prepare to start work, hear my voice or the voice of someone you love saying: "HAVE FUN. MAKE FRIENDS. BE HAPPY."

YOU deserve it!

By Debbie Friedman, M.S., C.Ht

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life

A friend once said to me, "There is no meaning in life, except what we create". At the time, I thought she was nuts. Now, I understand.

What is the meaning of your life? Some will say that it is to glorify God. Others will say to do good and make a difference. Still others account for their purpose for existence in their children. All of these ideas may have validity, but it still comes down to one thing. What do you decide is of value? What do you choose to be the purpose of your life?

The beauty of this concept is that again, you have the power to choose. Purpose and meaning is not some flighty ideal that only a few can comprehend. You have the power, the right, the responsibility to find your purpose in life. No one else can do it for you. With choice, there is power.

If you are sure of what your purpose is, if there is no doubt as to why you exist, good for you. Go for it with gusto. Embrace it, enjoy it, fulfill it. If you are not clear about your purpose, the meaning of your life, create it. You have so much in you to explore.

We humans have so much potential to create. We can create meaning, and we can create happiness. We can create misery and pain. We are creating our purpose and meaning every moment of the day. What purpose are you creating for you life, right now?

If you are still stuck, let me give you and idea. Make your purpose in life to be the best "You" that you can be. Work diligently on developing yourself, learning, growing, and most of all, loving yourself. If that is you major purpose, and you do it correctly, without judgement, in a healthy and balance manner, you cannot help but becoming a happier person, and your joy is sure to spill on to others.

Developing yourself to be the best possible "You" you can be does not mean seeking after fleeting and meaningless pleasure. That will only bring you pain. Developing the best possible you takes hard work and dedication. When I talk about being the "Best", I am talking about being the most noble, the most balanced, the most healthy (mentally and physically), the most authentic, the most honest, the most generous, the most logical, the most intelligent, the most loving, the most self-sustaining individual you can be.

Notice, I didn't say the best person in the world. I said, be the best you can be. If you start to compare yourself to others to see how much better you are then others, you will set yourself up for trouble. You will either be deflated, because there will always be someone better at something then you. Or you will falsely inflate your ego, which will only serve to bite you in the end.

In my opinion, being the "Best You" that you can is everyone's ultimate purpose. It will be in everyone's best interest if you concentrate on your best self-interest. It is also hard work. That is why so many people would rather opt out and let others make their meaning (God, your parents, your spouse etc) . If you take an active role in developing the "best possible you", you will make your world a better place, not just for you, but for those around you.

The bible says "Love your neighbour as yourself". You cannot fully love others until you truly love yourself. Make that your purpose, and the world will thank you.

By Donna Hedley

Happy Buttons

What makes you happy? What are the simple pleasures that bring you great joy? Review the following list slowly, taking time to savor each one and remember the emotions it evokes.

What would you add to the list? What are your happy buttons?



The first flower in the spring.



Hearing your favorite song on the radio.



Someone who winks at you.



A hot shower with soap that suds.



Finding a 20-dollar bill in your coat pocket.



Getting mail that isn't a bill.



Having someone brush or play with your hair.



Hot towels straight out of the dryer.



Hot bread straight out of the oven.



A clerk who goes out of their way to assist you.



A thick chocolate milkshake.



Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.



A big bowl of hot soup when it is snowing outside.



A good book that you don't want to end.



No lines at the supermarket.



Getting a real person when you need assistance.



People coming to your party.



A bubble bath with lots of hot water.



Going to the beach and wading in the ocean.



A really good hamburger and fries.



Finding a sweater you want on sale.



Having someone tell you that you are attractive.



Running through the sprinklers.



Laughing out loud in the movies.



A really good conversation.



Receiving a birthday card.



Sending a birthday card.



Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours you can sleep.



Going to a 50th anniversary party.



Having a happy dream and you wake up smiling.



When your child apologizes for something he did or thanks you for something you did.



Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.



Having old friends drop in to visit.



Making a new friend.



Red toe nail polish.



Holding hands with a child.



Holding hands with a lover.



Road trips with friends.



Watching the sunrise.



Finding a parking meter with time left on it.



Counting your blessingsThank you for visiting our site at www.ArtichokePress.com. Please feel free to share this article with others, but we ask that you include the author's name and contact information. It will push my happy button. Have a wonderful day.

Why Choosing To Be Happy Is Not Enough

I talked in a recent article about how every moment in life gives you a choice. You can choose a path that leads to happiness, or you can choose a path that leads to unhappiness.

Today I'd like to expand on that a little more, because it is just so VERY important.

If you want results, you have to take ACTION.

It's the same in area of our lives. Only by taking ACTION do our dreams or goals become REALITY.

Let's say for example that you would like to lose some weight? Is the decision to lose weight enough? Of course not! It's the first step in the right direction, but you MUST follow it up with action if you want to get results. You take action by eating better and exercising more. And you must do this consistently, UNTIL you get results.

Let's say that you would like to increase your income? Can you do this simply by buying a lottery ticket each week? No! You've made the decision, but you have not taken effective ACTION. You're much more likely to get results if you take on some extra shifts at work, or even better, start a home based business for an hour or so each evening five days a week? And then do this consistently, UNTIL you get the results you are seeking.

You have to take action if you want results.

So what about happiness?

Who is more likely to be happy?

The person who has subscribed to every "Happiness" newsletter service on the internet and bought every book, but does not take action.

Or the person, who READS the newsletter or book, finds some strategies they like, and takes ACTION to implement the strategies into their lives.

You have to take action if you want results.

So if you like the idea of meditation, phone NOW to enrol for a trial introductory lesson.

If you like the idea of EFT, then find a practitioner, or buy a book or course and start using it at home. NOW!

If you like affirmations then print some out NOW and stick them in places where you will see them ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY. Tape yourself speaking the affirmations, and listen to them over and over and over again on your tape player or MP3 player.

If you know you just LOVE to spend time with your family, then don't work late ANY MORE. Go home and spend time with your family.

Abraham Maslow said, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself."

So look deep within. What is your higher calling? If you must teach, then start teaching. If you are a writer, then start writing.

Make a commitment to take some action TODAY. If you won't do it for yourself, no-one else will.

Take action, and BE HAPPY!

Lance Beggs.

By Lance Beggs

10 Survival Strategies to Overcoming Adversity and Being Happy

If one thing is for certain, each of us will experience some form of adversity while we are still breathing on this Earth. Unfortunately, some of us will experience more than our fair share of adversity, either in the workplace or in our personal lives.

Over the years, I feel I have been fortunate to experience unpleasant and often times, life-altering situations. Although at times I find it difficult to sustain a positive attitude while working through adverse situations, whether it be the lose of a job, a relationship breakup, looked over for a promotion or battling a major health issue, I know deep down that by working through and learning to find purpose and meaning in these situations is where I will encounter my greatest triumphs.

I have often said "we may 'go' through adversity, but we may not know how to 'get' through adversity." Each time I experience something unpleasant I ask myself "what can I learn from this situation and how has my past behavior contributed to my current state?" Instead of burying my head in the sand just waiting for time to pass, or the Universe to forget about the situation, I actively work through the adversity, which helps ease the pain and frustration.

As I assess what I have learned and how I have grown through the years, I have shaped 10 survival strategies that have allowed me to get through the tough times. They include:

* Patience - This could be the hardest of all to achieve although one of the first thing we must develop when faced with adversity. The key to developing patience is to know in the end everything will work out the way it's intended to. Also key to developing patience is surrendering your self to the fact that there is a time frame for everything. I like to use the analogy - that if you want to have a baby even though you (or your wife) may be pregnant you still have to wait the gestation period before the baby actually arrives.

* Forgiveness - Forgive the other person for wronging you. By not allowing yourself to forgive you utilize a great deal of negative energy as you harbor old thoughts and feelings. Learn to forgive and use this same energy in a positive way to take back your life. While forgiving the other person make certain you forgive your self for any misgivings or shortcomings, otherwise half the negative energy still remains.

* Acceptance -Accept the hand you were dealt - even a pair deuces can win the game.

* Thankfulness - Be thankful for the adversity. Adversity is God's way of saying "you are worthy of my teachings."

* Detachment - We have all heard the phrase - "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." If something is meant to be a part of your life, it will materialize, so there is no need to desperately hold onto anything.

* Understanding: Why This vs. Why Me? - I feel our first inclination when something negative happens to us we ask "why me?" Normally asking this question doesn't provide any answers other than making us feel guilty for having asked it in the first place - really, why not you? No one is immune to pain. Simply reword the question and ask "why this?" By asking "why this" it typically leads us to understanding our past thoughts and actions that may have (karmically) contributed to our current state, allowing us to get to the root of the situation.

* Meditation or Quiet Time - I always say "it is only in the silence can we hear God's voice." Allow for quiet time to reflect up your desires and listen closely and intently to what is happening all around you - you will find your answers in the silence.

* Maintain a Creative Mind - Eliminate boredom otherwise it will lead you toward frustration and depression. Take up a hobby, do some writing, volunteer your time or spend time with friends and family. Any, or all of this, will make you feel good about yourself, allowing you to want to move forward.

* Work Toward the Future - Even if you do not feel things are moving forward, work on creating the future you desire. You can plant tiny seeds by going back to school, read material that is related to your desires, commit by writing out your goals and desires or network with like-minded people. Each step you take, no matter how small moves you toward your future.

* Trust - Let God and let God. All we really have control over is our actions and a gut feeling (or hearts desire) of what we hope the outcome of our lives to be. The rest is up to a higher power greater than our own. Trust the Universe will provide you with exactly what you need when you need it.

By Linda Furiate

Great Relationship Problem Solving Technique

This is one of my all time favourite problem solving techniques, and I use it on a regular basis with clients who find it hard to get along with other people. But really, the technique can be applied to any problem at all, not just the ones that are about relationships. If you're going around in circles with a relationship problem, it can really help to step back and break the problem down into groups. Here's how to do it:

First, think of a small problem you are having in your life right now. Don't try to tackle anything too big just yet, just get used to using this technique and then when you get more skilled at it you can try it with some larger problems. The idea is to separate your problem into three groups.

GROUP ONE: Parts of the Problem That Come From Other People

Write down all the parts of this particular problem that are brought to it by other people. Now, I know it's tempting to lump all of the parts into this group, because it's so easy to blame others for what is not working in our lives; but try to resist this temptation! And let's face it - other people are not responsible for EVERY part of your problem. So be honest with yourself.

GROUP TWO: The Facts about Your problem

In this group, you are going to write down the facts. For example, let's say your partner won't spend enough time with you and the family. In this group, one of the facts you could write would be "We need ___ to spend more time at home".

GROUP THREE: YOU

Now you are going to list all the parts of the problem that YOU bring to it. Many of the things you write down here will be related to your reaction to the situation. For instance, do you sulk or berate your partner when he/she chooses to spend time away from home? How does this contribute to your problem? What reaction do you get? Be sure to write down any of your own personal triggers from past circumstances or relationships which may be contributing to this problem.

OK: Time to Start Culling...

When you have created the three categories for your problem, pick up the list for Group #1. (Other People). Now, screw up this piece of paper and throw it in the bin. Why? Because?..

You cannot change OTHER PEOPLE

But how great would it be if we could? We'd live blissfully in a world full of people who were just like us....or would we?? Now, I'm not saying that people will not change of their own accord. It just means that if they do change, it will be because they choose to, not because you tell them that they should. Don't waste your time and energy on those parts of the problem that you cannot control!

Okay, now do the same with the group 2 list; screw it up and throw it away! Because....

You cannot change the facts

So now, all that is left is the list you have made for group 3. Your problem has just gotten a whole lot smaller because you've thrown away 2 of the lists! Have a good look at this third list. Are there any things in the list you have made that you feel you truly cannot change? If so, remove these items from the list - you must only use your energy on the things you do have the ability to influence.

Now, looking at the remaining things on the list, are there any things that you do not want to change? This is really important! If you don't want to change something about yourself, then you will not; it's that simple! But keep this in mind; writing this list is all about taking personal responsibility for what is not working in your life. This technique will help you to focus on the parts of your problem that you CAN do something about. By now, you should have in your hot little hand a practical, do-able list that you can turn into an action plan. So the message is clear....

Find out what you can do about it and then take action!


By Sonia Devine

Happiness - A Choice You Must Make

Over the course of my life's journey I have come to realize that happiness is much more something we must choose then something that simply comes and goes according to random events or obstacles that are thrown our way in life.

In the past I found myself under the illusion that if I attained certain goals, or succeeded at certain things then happiness would follow - which in the short term I'll concede that it often did.

The problem with this is that I was often left chasing my next batch of happiness, as though it were something that I could only have for short intervals in between accomplishments. The problem was that over time I realized that I wanted more - I wanted to feel joy on a more consistent basis. I didn't want it to be something I had to continuously chase after. In other words I wanted the kind of happiness that didn't require me to attain something in order to have the feeling.

Fortunately I've come to the realization that for the most part I can choose to be happy on a daily basis. In order to do this at times it may even mean faking it - better yet, forcing the feelings until the genuine happiness and gratitude sets in.

I've found that something as simple as smiling can do wonders to help me see that I have in me the ability to choose to be happy.

I believe one of the best things we can do is to live in the moment, it does wonders when it comes to cultivating a life filled with ongoing happiness. Taking the time to reflect and be grateful for the things we have accomplished can also have an enormous impact when it comes to lifting our moods.

I'd strongly encourage you to take breaks during the day to ponder those happy memories that you've collected in your life and make it a point to build new ones as well.

I believe it is also worth noting that sometimes in life we are just going to feel down. People are going to do things that disappoint or hurt us. We are going to have our hearts broken and we're going to have to deal with all sorts of loss. Life is not all smiles unfortunately.

However, while I believe we have to acknowledge that some days are filled with sadness -- I don't believe it does us any long-term good to spend any length of time dwelling on them, in doing so we are only giving power to things that we have no control over. Instead remind yourself that you are making the choice to choose happiness.

Deciding to move forward and choosing happiness over sorrow is a tough choice. Sometimes you may feel as though you are fighting an uphill battle. At other times it will seem that the dark clouds may never give way to the sunshine. It is at those very moments that we have to remind ourselves that somewhere amidst whatever chaos may surround us -- we still have the choice to decide on happiness.

Practice making this choice by doing things that make you smile, as well as bring joy to others. When you share kindness it always finds its way back to you.

-- May your life be filled with much happiness, Josh Hinds

By Josh Hinds

Chasing The Whats Next

Are you an adrenaline junkie who is looking for balance? I call people who achieve success, but yet also have a balance in life - Activators.

However, a lot of times, as Activators, we become so entrenched in the cycle of doing, fearful that we revert back to our habits as Procrastinators. To keep our momentum going, we're chasing the "what's next", losing sight of the fact that a true Activator understands how she/he must recharge her/his batteries. So, what are the telltale signs of someone's who chases the "what's next"? · Highly focused on to-do's and has lost sight of what motivates and is important to her/him.

· Can't sit still for more than fifteen minutes without doing anything (yes, this includes watching TV).

· Consistently wakes up during the night and processes internally which tasks need to be completed the next day, next week, etc.

· Often doesn't take the time to enjoy the rewards of her/his accomplishments.

· Doesn't necessary ever obtain any internal satisfaction from successes or having met a goal.

In working with clients, I have found the following steps extremely helpful in helping Activators not turn into Adrenaline Junkies:

1. Keep an active reminder of what motivates you internally and what is important to you.

· Examples:

- Life's Mission Statement (for more info go to: http://www.mmclifestylecoaching.com).

- Picture of your family with what this image represents to you on back of the picture.

- Write down a poem, prayer or quote that you feel speaks to you and review once a day.

2. Carve out daily reflection time and prayer time, if you're spiritually-motivated.

· What do I hear you saying? "I don't have the time. Or: My mind keeps on chattering. Or: It just feels weird." Believe me - all bad excuses? You'll feel better once you integrate this into your daily habits. Here's how to start:

- Start off with five minutes in the morning for both prayer and quiet reflection time. Just sit there and allow your thoughts to flow. This will improve as you continue from day-to-day? It's just like exercise, you'll feel better for doing it!

3. Stop and reward yourself at least once a month for having met your goals.

· This is an important step often forgotten when achieving life's successes. Please take the time every month to review how much progress you've made. Most people typically look at all the things they feel they haven't completed. However, instead look at all the things you have achieved, acknowledge yourself and set up time for a reward. The reward doesn't necessarily have to be material. How about just praising yourself and letting the good feeling carry forward in your interaction with others? Or just setting aside "Me Time" and not doing absolutely anything? Another fun one is to pull out the old photo albums and enjoy your memories! I bet you can come up with a good list on your own, too?

4. Tell yourself that the present IS perfect.

· Adrenaline junkies are typically so focused on the future versus appreciating what's currently in their lives. This often creates a vicious cycle, which is hard to break out of. So, when you feel like your current achievements aren't enough, please take the time to reflect on how blessed you are at the moment. It's also important to remember that you can't change other people or situations. You can control only who you are. If you become so focused on the "What's Next" and what you want for the future, you'll never receive joy and contentment from what is right in front of you.

So,leap to Walking with Grace in the Present versus Chasing The What's Next.

Lifes Like that

It is now 5 years since I passed out of college and started working. I love working. I am not a workaholic but I love working. There is a lot of pressure in the work we all do. This era is all about speed. Everything around us moves at the speed of thought. And the wise guys from the big B-Schools would tell you to be there at the right time or else you'll loose the next big opportunity. All of us try to search for the next big opportunity so that we are not left of out in this race. We travel from place to place in search for that hidden treasure, success, happiness or whatever one may like to call it.
I have closely interacted with hundreds of people in these years and one of my favorites activity is studying people and human behavior. In the beginning I used to get surprised (sometimes even laugh) when I hear a new kid out of college and starting his life say that he feels burnt out. But then if you look at it closely, the kid is right. He is burnt out before he even starts because he is always expected to perform beyond what his mind and body can take. There is always this sense of urgency within all of us that usually keeps us unhappy no matter what we achieve.
I too was in this rat race till my mother taught me the most important lesson of my life and that is about being in the present and enjoying every moment of it. Sadly though I had lost my mother by then. I still remember that day on 18th December 2002 when I was thinking about my mother in the back of my mind but yet I stayed in the office as we had this requirement to get the ISDN up in our office. I was scared that if the leased lines goes down we'll not have an alternative. So I sat with the providers and did not listen to my heart. As a result by the time I went to see my mom it was too late. I wish I had followed my heart instead. That is when I realized that the ISDN connection had no real significance in my life and yet I gave it an unwanted priority.
Here are some rules I live by now which I hope would help all of you. They say that it is best to learn from others mistakes. 6 basic rules that we must all follow to be happy -
Live in the present - Most good books on better living talk about being in the present. You cannot afford to think and live in the past. Neither can you think about the future all the time. You do not know what would happen in the future. You do not have control over it. This does not mean that we should not plan. It just means that we do not need to over stress ourselves thinking about what would happen in the future.
Let me explain with a simple example. You want to go for a vacation. You need to plan and buy the tickets in time. But it does not mean that when you are in the train or aircraft you start running inside it. You'll not reach any faster than all the other passengers who are traveling with you.
However, do remember that you must learn from your past and improve upon it. The food from Pizza Hut is fattening. This means that it would remain the same, unless they do some major changes to the way pizzas are made. So saying that I cannot think about the past and I should keep going over and over again to Pizza Hut does no make sense.
Also another important point is that you must learn to visualize about the future. When I was kid our swimming coach used to talk a lot about the power of visualization. He used to say that if you going for a competition tomorrow, the previous night one should visualize the entire event. It goes like this - I feel light and energetic. The weather is great for swimming. I am going to get the best place. My start is perfect. I have a perfect dive in the water. The water is not too hot neither is it too cool. It is just right for me. My breathing is perfect and my strokes are perfect and coordinated. I am the winner...
Simulate the same situation when you are facing a client or an ISO auditor.
Another aspect I'll like to point out here is that some people get into the urgency because they feel insecure about the future. They think "If I die my wife or family would face a lot of problems... " In the process they start taking insurance policies left and right, try to buy a house etc.. In many cases they are not able to keep up with all the liabilities and in that tension many do really die. One must plan and have a secure future but never over do anything. Take commitments only when it is possible to live up to the commitment.
In short it all boils down to one thing. Be happy and live in the moment. Enjoy every moment of it. Because the present will become the past tomorrow and you need to cherish it then.
Never have any anger - There are times we are unhappy because we have anger against somebody. That really does not help. All it does is make us sad. In no way does it effect the person who has angered you. As in my case I was angry with the providers for having given us a good for nothing ISDN modem. What I lost in return was a lot more. It is not possible for us to not get angry because the reason why one gets angry is when things do not work the way we want it to. When people do not behave the way we want them to. And this would continue to happen. The best we can do is focus on something else in such situations. That makes us more relaxed. Also, be grateful for what you have and do not think about what you do not have. There are many in this world who are less fortunate than we are. Never have an ego -Most of us have a big ego which makes us all worse than what we think we are. We are nobody to judge another person. We are nobody to justify our actions on others because of what they did to us. In most cases when we do something against a person it would due to some false ego we have inside us. "How could he do this to me. I'll show him who I am".... Like I said a little while ago. I am nobody. If somebody treats you bad it is his fault and there no need for you to teach him a lesson. He needs to have self realization about it. Most of our epics is about teaching a lesson to the other person. I remember as a kid watching Mahabharat and Ramayana on TV, most of times somebody would be testing somebody else's ego.
When I do talk about ego, I feel it is necessary to talk about self esteem too.. Both these are very different. We all must have a level of self esteem and dignity. But we must not allow somebody else to treat us as a door mat. If you do not like what the other person did to you. Cut off the relation or remove the expectations.
Take pride in who you are -
There are many who have an inferiority complex about themselves. They generally think about the family, school, college or country they are from as being inferior. And hence they prefer to be bottled up inside themselves and their complexes. This is one prime reason why people make bad decisions in life.
One must always be happy as who they are. Have pride in what you have. I was not born to the Tata family. But then Tata was not born to the British royal family. Everything in this world is relative. You can either see what you do not have and get complex'd or see what you have and be happy. Once we start loving our past, our family, our nation and people around us, we would generally start loving ourselves.
Learn to tolerate - Many of us have a hatred because we feel only we are right. We can't tolerate others. We can't tolerate other's behavior or actions. We generally fail to respect people for who they are. Rather we would respect them if they become like what we want them to be. Hitler could not tolerate the Jews. The Europeans in the US could not tolerate the African Americans. The upper caste people could not tolerate the lower caste people in India. We fail to see the person inside.
We must learn to appreciate others and respect the way they are.
Only reality of life is death - And finally the only reality of life is death. All of us have to die one day. Maybe what we can all do is try to visualize what we would like to achieve by the time we are dead. Let us work backwards. Rather than setting up a goal for 5 years from now, we must set up a goal for what we would like to have accomplished by the time we are dead.
I did ask myself these questions about my life sometime back. One of my targets was to be a good son. I cannot fully achieve it now as I have lost my mother. For her I can never be the good son I wanted to be. I can, however, be a good son for my father. I can be a good brother to my sisters. I can be a good husband to my wife. I can maybe built a team which can compete with the best in this world, I can maybe in my own small way make this world a better place. I do not want to loose these wonderful opportunities. I do believe that if I live every moment of my life happily I would be a happy man when I die.
Now we may not be able to achieve all what we desire to achieve. But we sure can work towards achieving it.
Amarjyoti Krishnan heads bobcares.com, a tech support company for webhosts and ISPs. He is the co-founder of Poornam Info Vision Ltd., a software and IT services company which specializes in Linux based solutions for Webhosts and ISPs. Poornam Info Vision is an ISO 9001:2000 certified company with a team of over 100 engineers.
Amarjyoti is a Computer Engineer based in India and has over 7 years of experience in the hosting industry. He has spoken and written extensively on the subject. His articles have been published both online as well as in print in magazines.

Can Money Buy You Happiness?

Well, doesn't that depend on what's causing you to be unhappy, in the first place?

If you've just lost a loved one, no amount of money will make you happy, only time and your own attitude will eventually lessen the pain and hopefully bring some joy back into your life.

However, if a stack of unpaid bills is facing you each day, wouldn't enough money to pay them, not make you happy? If you are someone you love, needs expensive medical care and you can't afford it, would money not be the happy answer?

So, before we adopt some of these truisms about money, we should see how they apply to the reality of the situation. Money is not a "magic bullet", but then in life, what is? But the effectiveness of money, like most of the things we use and have come to rely on in our world, it is all relative.

Being without money doesn't automatically make someone unhappy, but neither does having money guarantee happiness. Rich people are happy because they don't have to be worried and unhappy about not being able to pay bills, make purchases they want, travel, entertain and so on.

But if they became ill and money could not help, they would be just as unhappy and miserable as the poor person who cannot afford the treatment in the first place.

Money cannot buy anyone more time, but it can give you more freedom to choose how you use your time.

A very happy by-product, choice!

"Freedom of choice", if there was ever a magical phrase, that one is it! That is the happiness that money buys!

Lack of money or too little money, limits the choices we can make in and about our lives.

By Yvonne

Who Is More Likely To Be Happy?

Here's a multiple choice question for you. Who is more likely to be happy?

(a) Someone who lays awake for an hour or so at night, replaying the day in their mind and agonising over what could have been, and what should have been.

"If only I'd said this..."

"How dare they do that..."

"Next time..."

"If only..."

or

(b) The person who spends five minutes before bed feeling gratitude for all the good in their lives, and focusing on the expectation of more to come tomorrow.

It's fairly obvious, isn't it? (I hope you said "b"!)

How about this one

(a) The person who drives to work shouting obscenities at any driver who does not follow their grand vision of how the trip should proceed, or

(b) The person who takes delight in the journey- enjoying the breeze through the window, and the sounds of the city, or their favourite radio station.

It looks like "b" is the winner again.

Hmm! Too easy? Lets try one more.

(a) The person who watches the news each evening, to hear the latest negativity from around the world. Wars, killings, political debates, or

(b) The person who turns off the television, and reads a book, or throws a ball to their children in the park.

If you got "b" again, CONGRATULATIONS! You're pretty good at this happiness stuff!

So what's my point?

Every moment in your life, YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

Your actions and your thoughts will either produce feelings of happiness, or they won't.

You can focus on the negative things in your life, or you can choose to focus on the positives. One will bring happiness, while the other won't.

You can worry about the future, and regret the past, or you can choose to focus on the joy that exists around you right now. Once again, one of these choices will bring happiness, and the other won't.

There's not one of us that deep down does not know the difference between happiness & sadness.

So, ask yourself:

"Are my current actions leading to happiness?"

"Are my current thoughts leading to happiness?"

If not, then change your actions. Change your thoughts. There is very little to be gained through persisting with negativity.

Do you dread going to work each morning? Then either change your job, or change the way you think about your job. Focus your attention on how you're gaining the necessary skills and experience to move on to the dream job that you just know is part of your life's purpose.

Do you hate the drive to work? Then travel a different route, or try sitting on a bus or train, listening to your favourite tunes on your MP3 player, or reading a book by your favourite author. Or use the time for personal development, listening to self-help audio tapes and CD's.

Have you flicked through all 100 channels, and still found nothing to watch. Well, there is another choice. You can turn the TV off. Talk to your partner. Cook a nice meal. Read a book. Play with your kids. Honest! There is an OFF button on the remote control.

Every moment is an opportunity to choose happiness.

It's your choice! It's your life. Choose wisely.

By Lance Beggs.

Norman Rockwell - The Man Who Created His Own Reality

In preparation for a class I taught today, I spent some time this week studying the life and works of American artist Norman Rockwell. His idealistic paintings, portraying the innocence of a simpler time, were featured for decades in publications such as The Saturday Evening Post and Boy's Life. They were and still are beloved by millions. His critics in the art world, however, are many and outspoken.

Fellow artisans accused him of trying to dictate to Americans how they should view America. Rockwell's work was said to conjure up "a fantasy of a virtuous America". His paintings were thought to have almost a brainwashing effect over their admirers. It was once said of Rockwell that his illustrations convinced people that they were happy when they really weren't.

The more I studied Rockwell's life, art, and words, the more I realized how wrong his critics were. Rockwell actually was painting life as he personally saw it. His reality - the reality that he created for himself - really was that idealistic. He saw and therefore painted an America where people were good and kind, patriotic, simplistic, and truly blessed. Virtue was in abundance in Norman Rockwell's corner of the world.

While I don't believe that his intent was to brainwash his many fans, he did change the way Americans saw America, when they saw it through Rockwell's eyes. People were inspired to be and do better.

Norman Rockwell once proclaimed of himself that he was "addicted to idealism". How was he able to feed his addiction and create an idealistic reality in which to live and work? From tidbits of his writings, I firmly believe that he must have lived by the following principles: We are whatever we see ourselves to be. How we choose to view our lives will create our reality. Our chosen reality, not fate, will determine our happiness and prosperity in this life.

Rockwell's critics could not see past the reality they had created for themselves. They lived in the same America, but sifted for what was decrepit and evil. Their choice was to live in a country devoid of innocence and virtue.

Rockwell's life and work are just more proof to me that if we choose to see the good around us, we will create more good. It doesn't matter if we are talking about idealism or money, the principle is still the same. "As a man thinketh, so is he."

By Heidi Whitaker

OBSCURED (Angel)

Being raised in a household without a mother or a father can be traumatic for a young girl. If no one cares enough about you to come into your life to "finish" or offer guidance where your parent(s) left off, you are a lost soul.

As I mentioned in my story Zenobia's Life Lessons, my mother passed away when I was a young girl of twelve and unfortunately, I never knew my dad. My mother knew that her illness was terminal therefore, given the time that she had left, she would explain everything there was for my sister and I to know about life with thorough exactitude and detail. As a result, I grew up accustomed to having a situation or a "let-me-tell-you-what-just-happened-to-me" story clarified in the same manner. I wanted stories or incidences re-told to me from beginning to end. One could leave nothing to the imagination. If you did leave something out you could bet your bottom dollar, I'd query you about it in the middle of your storytelling and you'd have no choice but to go back and repeat the story EXACTLY as it unfolded.

Shortly after my mom passed my sister began her first dating relationship with a guy who lived across the street. She was in love and had little to no time to spend with an annoying gawky younger sister. So I felt not only had I lost my mom, I also lost my sister. During this time, I became very observant and gathered my own opinions and summations about life and situations as best I could.

My sister and I lived with our aunt. She worked during the nights and when she was not working, she was sleeping during the day while I was at school. Our schedules didn't allow lots of time for her to parent. Not having my mother or sister around to answer questions or explain "life" circumstances to me was a hard pill for me to swallow, but eventually I was able to force it down.

I was about 16-years old and I always felt as though an "Angel" was watching over me. I remember once, while my mother prepared my sister and I for her death she told us "if I could come back I would never hurt either of you". Hence, I always felt as though she was somewhere keeping an eye, sort of guiding me during my times of confusion and uncertainty as I matured.

Unbeknownst to me there was an "Angel" watching me and giving me tutelage and empowering me to always look at my situations as an optimist as oppose to the pessimist. My "Angel" taught me the importance of having a good education and the significance of learning a skill. He taught me the weight of exhausting all of MY resources FIRST, before I rummaged around for help from those who cared not. MY Angel never let me drift too far away from him to the point of becoming defiant to the knowledge that he was trying to enlighten upon me.

When I'd come in the house after "hanging out" for the better part of an evening, as teenagers often do, he would always somehow draw me into a conversation of substance. I could not just waltz into the house, say my hellos, and mosey into my room.

"How was your day?" he'd ask me while I was in mid-step, or "tell me what you've been doing all evening", or (this one was my favorite), "who were you hanging out with all day?"

I realized when I became a parent that these questions were pertinent in order to establish an interpersonal relationship with your child. The more we know in terms of what our children are doing when they are away from home, the less likely our children are to get involved in troublesome situations. It was true then and I am sure it is truer now.

Countless times my "Angel" and I would sit in the kitchen at my aunt's house and he would share with me definitive stories about HIS life and experiences. He would give me a scenario that would prompt me to think and relate his story to MY given situation.

It always amazed me how this man who seemingly on the outside gave the appearance of being a quiet laid back gent, came alive where I was concerned. He somehow must've known that I was basically detached with no one to guide me. He decided that he was going to be the person that was going to continue where my mom left off. Invariably he kept me reeled in.

To this day he has never admitted to me that he decided to complete the job that my mom started. I really do not think that he is aware of what he did for me and how his storytelling impacted my life. I thought he came to this conclusion because he was consistently available for me. He always had time to listen to whatever issue I was going through. If I had a bad experience in school, we would never just "talk" about it, we would unravel the incident in earnest detail. Afterward, I would leave him feeling as though I was sharper or keen because he always gave me food for thought. These discussions with my "Angel" gave me a different angle in which to view my situation and life.

As an adult I spent many years enthralled with my life and I did not call as often as I should. However, whenever I did call upon him to share an emotionally traumatic situation that I endured, true to form, he convinced me that I should come away from that incident stronger and mindful. When I would doubt myself, he did not want to hear or see that. He never told me that he didn't want to hear or see it, but based upon his dialogue with me, my suspicions were confirmed.

He would not settle for ME compromising less for MYSELF. His communications were ALWAYS encouraging, motivating, positive and inspiring. I could NEVER have a talk with my "Angel", leave the discussion, and view that circumstance the same EVER!

There were times when I wanted to beat up on myself; told him the negativism that I felt about myself, or even shared the dissenting remarks others would opine about me. He would always take me back to the core of who I was as a young woman, reminding me what really mattered. He told me that I should never let another's inference of me dictate how I viewed myself. My "Angel" was the first, no not the first, the ONLY person who taught me the true meaning of SELF-IMAGE and how important will be for the rest of my life.

For so many years I yearned for a brother. Always felt that if I had one, no one would hurt me because I could run to him and he would somehow make any situation tolerable. Due to the numerous stories my "Angel" shared with me while sitting around my aunt's kitchen table, I became empowered to handle my own situations. No longer did I yearn for a brother. No longer did I feel as though I needed SOMEONE ELSE to make my life better. My "Angel" as a result of his outwardly meaningless, innocent stories, handed me self-worth while showing me how to gallantly grasp my aspirations and exceed them. Aspirations that are unyielding as I write this story!

My "Angel" never gave me money nor did he buy fancy clothes for me. NEVER! But what he gave me was/is worth more than all the money in Fort Knox. HE GAVE OF HIMSELF!! Unselfishly, chivalrously, offering the commitment and closeness that I desperately needed during my formative years.

God rarely gives us what we WANT, but he ALWAYS gives us what we NEED. Isn't it peculiar how one can ask for, or want something so badly, when often times all that you really NEED is right before you? I became so engrossed with my life, so absorbed with trying to find a resolution to my problems. I became so bogged down from the weight of my thrashes with my existence that my range of vision became obscured. Sometimes the obvious is never obvious enough. Everything I needed in terms of guidance, support, love and trust, was there for me to embrace in one package. What an impact one person can make!!

The nerve of me to want a brother!! All of this time, ALL of these long, long, long years, I already had EXCTLLY what was needed in HIM. My brother, my cousin, and my "Angel". Moreover, my FRIEND. I just had to open my eyes wide enough to envision what I had/have in him.

Because of my cousin and the stories that he shared, coupled with the support that he's given me, today I can say my life is good. I know it has taken me quite awhile to notice what he has done for me, but better late than never right? YOU empowered me. My heart is burden free and my soul smiles!

F-I-N-A-L-L-Y my life is premium, relaxed and nonviolent. One person CAN make a difference and the difference is/was you.

Thanks Cuz! This is long overdue. I LOVE YOU?.!!

(c) 2005 by C. V. Harris. All rights reserved.

By C.V. Harris

How To Focus On The Positive Qualities Of Your Relationship

The quality of your life has a strong connection with how healthy your relationship with other people is. Do you struggle to make other people see things your way? Well stop trying, because you can't manipulate others. Why? Well, just like you, they are operating from their own map of the world. What you CAN do is develop a habit of paying attention to the positive aspects of your relationship.

If you are distressed by your relationships, then you need to change the way in which you react to the behaviour of others. If you hold a belief that you will only be happy when the other person changes, it's time to get real, because: The Buck Stops With You.

Think about someone in your life; Are you paying attention to the qualities you think that person is lacking? For example, maybe you think: "If only he was tidier, more attentive to me, more loving, etc?"? Whatever you put your attention on expands. If you only notice the things that annoy you about others, or if you focus on what you think they are not doing right, then you will only experience more of the behaviour that you are trying to avoid!

Try this exercise:

Think about this specific person, and write down the qualities you admire in them. Take the time to remember what drew you to them in the first place. Maybe they are great at making you laugh?they could be a good listener, or have a talent for organising things and events. Whatever you like about this person, write it onto a list! And then look at this list every day.

By doing this, you shift your subconscious attention onto the positive aspects of the relationship and you will start to experience even more of these qualities that you like! Your relationship will improve and the other person will start to become more loving, open and receptive towards you as well.

What About Those Things You Don't Like?

Okay, then. What really annoys you about others? Do you get upset by arrogant people? Or maybe people who cannot be assertive really make your blood boil. Whatever it is that bothers you, you must understand this:

We criticize in others the very qualities that we dislike most about ourselves

We are all connected to a Universal consciousness. When you look at another person, you are also looking at a version of yourself. Learn to see yourself in the reflection of others, and you will become more tolerant of what you see as their negative qualities. And remember, other people, are always a mirror to you.

If you want a great relationship, you need to pay attention to the way you react to people. And most importantly, treat others as you would like to be treated. You have the ability to create a happy, fulfilling relationship, and if you learn to see yourself in others, you will find yourself becoming more and more open to experiencing the good qualities those people.

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By Sonia Devine

Love Yourself First - Im Happy. Youre Happy. Were All Happy!

As a teenager growing up reading 'Blue Jeans' and 'Jackie', it occurred to me that just one piece of advice was the answer to all the problems in a teenaged girl's world: Love yourself and everything will be fine. Problem was, I didn't really 'get' what that meant. By 16, I'd worked out that it was all to do with self-acceptance and being happy with who you are. But that's not the whole story, is it? The penny finally dropped a couple of years ago; a tad embarrassing since it seems so obvious now. Then again, I see so many people who clearly aren't loving themselves, that perhaps I'm not alone. It's simple:

'Loving yourself' is about treating yourself as you would treat someone who is really, really precious to you. Someone you love so much that you hurt when they hurt, for whom you would move mountains, just to see them well and happy.

It can be hard to get the balance right. Putting our loved ones' happiness above our own is common; we are only too ready to sacrifice our own needs for theirs. This is particularly so, though not exclusively, for wives and mothers - but this 'modus operandi' will nearly always backfire on us eventually as it leaves us wanting in some way.

Imagine, just for a moment, putting yourself first. It may sound selfish, but it really isn't it. It's not about abandoning everyone else, it's simply about honouring your own wellbeing. After all, how can you truly give all that you are capable of giving if you aren't properly nourished, rested, happy and well. And if you don't love and respect yourself, how can you expect others to do the same? So how can you start loving yourself more?

Ask yourself, "If I were my own best friend, what gift would I give myself right now that would make me happier, do me good?"

Of course, each one of us will give a different answer, but there are certain things that I believe we all need in order to love ourselves:

Time and treats just for you - You don't have time? You'd make time for your best friend if they were in need; you are just as worthy. Book a massage or a facial or take a walk in your favourite park - but make the time to do something for yourself. Regularly.

Get breathless - There is no getting away from it - exercise is crucial for good health and wellbeing. If you don't do any, you are storing up problems. It doesn't have to be a sport or the gym; think 'breathless'. What can you do that's fun and makes you breathless? Dancing? Walking? Cycling? Doing it for 20 mins every other day would be a great start.

Rest and sleep - I used to think sleep was for lazy, boring people. And bizarrely, I was convinced that the less I got, the thinner I'd become! In fact, the opposite is true. More importantly, when you sleep your body gets busy repairing and healing and undoing any damage you may have caused it. Take sleep seriously.

Nourishment - Each time you eat, think of the food in terms of nourishment first, mood enhancement last! I used to eat a lot of pastries, but they have next to no nutritional value. They are a combination of bad fats, sugars and bad carbs. Get into the habit of thinking this way and choose foods that nourish you.

Light and air - If you live in a town or city, you've probably noticed how much more alive you feel when you leave it and breathe country or sea air. More oxygen I guess, and without it we die. We need day/sunlight too for Vitamin D production, important for bones and general wellbeing. So take a walk outside every day - you'll sleep better too.

Fun, laughter and play - When was the last time you laughed so hard you could cry? Or fooled around like a big kid? A good giggle loosens muscles, lowers blood pressure, relieves stress and aids immunity. It feels good because blood is moved to your heart and lungs, boosting your energy levels. So have some fun and laugh like a loon!

Tackle the things that are draining you - We all have things in our life that steal our energy; things we don't want to deal with because it would take us out of our comfort zone in some way. It may be nothing more than a pile of junk or it might be something more emotive like a feud with a relation. Whatever, it is, find a way to tackle it and you'll feel so much better with the energy you release.

Nurture, honour and love your self - choose only those things that are good for you!

By Claire Raikes

Increase Your Happiness - Look Forward With Hindsight

Six months ago you had trouble finding your keys and were late for work. At the time, you felt agitated and upset. Chances are, you don't even remember the incident. Last year, at a business lunch, you spilled salad dressing on your shirt. You were so embarrassed when it happened but now you can just laugh at the whole episode.

Three years ago, you were on your way to the airport to leave for vacation. You got caught in a traffic jam and missed your plane. You were worried sick that your whole vacation would be ruined. However, when you finally arrived at the airport, the airline was able to get you and your family on a later flight. Your trip was wonderful and the traffic jam is a distant memory.

How often have you looked back on what seemed like misfortune at the time, and wondered how you could have been so aggravated? Has anyone ever said to you, "Remember when you were so upset about?" and you couldn't recall the incident they were referring to? Did you ever have a fight with someone and later couldn't remember what the conflict was about?

Undesirable or unpleasant circumstances and events are a part of living. Something breaks, you loose something, you're late, you embarrass yourself, you forget to do something, someone laughs at you, someone doesn't like you, you get into an argument, or your car breaks down.

Some circumstances you have control over, others you don't. Many people constantly get tripped up by the small annoying aspects of life. They expend far more emotional energy on them then is warranted. As a result, their enthusiasm for good and positive things declines.

Most feelings fade with time. If they don't disappear altogether, their intensity diminishes. The cliché that hindsight is 20/20 is recalled on a regular basis. So why not look forward with hindsight?

What exactly does this mean? You have already experienced the effect time has on your memory and feelings. In hindsight, you wonder why you were so upset. So view the present as if you were looking back on it from the future.

When faced with a stressful situation ask yourself, "How will I feel about this next week, next month, or next year?" Although your feelings may be very intense at the moment, will they last? Recall how time has soothed past events. Consider the big picture. In the overall scheme of things, will what you are confronting now matter as much in the future?

When faced with feelings of frustration, project yourself into the future. In the future, what you are currently facing is at best a faded memory. Next, reassess the significance of what you are now experiencing and put it into perspective.

Since memories and feelings are going to fade anyway, why not save yourself a lot of time and grief by not getting trapped initially? The main question to ask is "Will this matter to me later?" If the answer is no, why should you let it matter to you now?

That's how to look forward with hindsight. You view the events of today as if they were already in the past. Emotions diminish and fade with the passage of time and life goes on. Don't waste time on those things that won't matter to you later. Spend time on what does matter.

By Bryan Golden

Tap Into Wellness - the Secret Self Help Tool Your Doctor Doesnt Want You To Know About

Everyone has issues with self esteem. It's no wonder then that bookstores have entire sections devoted to it. Speakers and authors have made billions touting yet another seminar, book or DVD aimed at self esteem improvement.

What you think of yourself - both consciously - but more importantly unconsciously, literally makes or breaks you. It's not just a theory it's a spiritual law. For most, belief in a supreme being, or a source greater than oneself, brings with it a sense that this entity loves us completely - flaws and all. So, to realize our divineness, we too, must come to a point where we love ourselves unconditionally. Unity with the divine - whom I call God is the only way to live a successful, happy and healthy life. In this unity we receive the gifts of the kingdom. We are fulfilled and life is joyful.

Imagine for a moment you are looking at yourself with the loving eyes of God. You are beautiful, loveable, attractive, intelligent, kind, successful, compassionate, and all of the other things that make you most like your creator. Now, in that moment of visioning, how did you feel? Consider the possibility that most of the time you are telling yourself the exact opposite.

So, in order to move on to joy, how are we to correct this psychological reversal?

Face it, your opinion of yourself is at the heart of everything you do, say and experience. A poor self image is reflected in your appearance, finances, career success, and relationships (or lack of). Often it can manifest in any number of health problems ranging from minor annoyances like allergies to deadly diseases such as cancer.

In a vicious cycle we attend seminars, read books and 'try' one technique after another, but we never quite connect with the healing promised. Then when the "I can do anything!" glow fades we're back in the bookstore, or another hotel meeting room trying to find that one thing that will generate all the 'good vibes' yet again.

While it's true that everyone responds differently to the various self healing modalities available, a relatively new entry into the field of energy psychology has shown great promise with a multitude of issues. This simple technique takes literally seconds to do and has been proven to substantially reduce or eliminate emotional issues that years of traditional 'talk therapy' has been unable to touch. Its motto is: "try it on everything".

So now imagine what that could mean to your life. The analogy of chopping down a forest is a good way to illustrate the positive effects of energy therapy. In your forest, each tree represents a limitation on your life such as guilt, learning problems like dyslexia, ADD and ADHA, irrational fears, weight and body image issues, depression, headaches or chronic pain, anger, stage fright, sports performance issues, nightmares and other symptoms of traumatic stress.

Energy therapy is known to be very helpful in assisting war veterans free themselves from the horrific memories and dangerous drugs prescribed by doctors to help them forget. But the subconscious never forgets under these therapies. Even talk therapy under highly trained and skilled professionals often fails to reach the core issues. It is when all else fails that energy therapy has shown great promise. In the case of the veterans, after using energy therapy for a relatively short amount of time we've found that in most cases, they are now clear headed, and for some - sleeping a full night without medication. If these brave men and women can find relief in alternative therapy, perhaps there is something good - in fact very good in this technique.

While there is no substitute for professional medical treatment in the case of serious mental or physical disease, energy work has proven to be a very effective adjunct therapy. It's estimated that hundreds of thousands of people have found relief where traditional methods have failed.

If there are issues you are still struggling with I urge you to investigate energy psychology. Most of the leading modalities of energy meridian therapy are simple to learn, yet very effective. Some forms of self healing energy therapy once learned, do not require continued work with a therapist to receive ongoing results. This makes it a very cost effective option for most. Energy therapy: It could just be the next thing you try; then again, it could be the last thing you'll ever need.

By Jill Christopher

The Science of Laughter

The title I chose for this article makes me smile. The science of laughter? Laughter, one of the things we used to take for granted, is now the subject of scientific study. In some ways it's quite surprising what has been discovered, but in other ways, it's probably not surprising at all. After all, we know intuitively that it is good for us.

While studying the effects of laughter, Dr. Lee Berk of Loma Linda University in California proved that laughter boosts the immune system. Dr. Robert Provine's book, Laughter - a Scientific Investigation, documents that even Chimps laugh, although with different stimuli. In his book, Anatomy of an Illness, Norman Cousins, a respected journalist, wrote about how he dealt with the diagnosis of ankolysing spondilitis, an arthritic condition that left him bedridden and in horrible pain. With his Physicians permission, Norman moved out of the hospital and into a motel. His idea was to remove himself from the pain and suffering of others and create a pleasant environment, where he watched funny movies sent to him by his friends in Hollywood. He made the happy discovery that ten minutes of belly laughter gave him 2 hours of pain free sleep. He recuperated and went on to live many more productive years.

We know that laughter is one of the best ways to relieve stress, but it has many other benefits as well. It is, as Norman Cousins once said, likened to internal jogging for the inner organs. As an aerobic exercise it is very good for the heart and lungs. The word aerobic means "with oxygen", so laughing increases the amount of oxygen in the body and this in turn, is very good for the respiratory system. It can help to lower blood pressure; it increases endorphins (the body's natural morphine), serotonin levels increase and other important stress fighting chemicals are released as well. In fact, one study showed that serotonin, when put into a test tube with cancer cells, killed the cancer cells. It seems that laughter can help to heal our bodies.

When I explain that, as a laughter therapist, I teach people how to laugh, I get many interesting responses. Since the body cannot differentiate between simulated and stimulated laughing, it may feel awkward at first to pretend to laugh. But with a willingness to step out of one's comfort zone, simulated laughter soon turns into genuine guffaaaaaws. People who are struggling with unresolved life issues may have a difficult time with this concept, but for those who can participate, it's truly a delightfully upbeat way to combat stress. I am fond of saying that "laughter begets laughter", and once you get used to that idea, you might be surprised at how much you can achieve by smiling and laughing your way through each day.

It's a sad fact that, as children, we likely laughed 300 - 400 times a day, but now, as adults, we are lucky if we laugh 12 times a day. While in the 1930's it was estimated that people laughed approximately 16 - 18 minutes daily, it is estimated that now we are doing well if we manage to laugh for 6 minutes every day.

Laughter is very good for us, feels good and is enjoyable as well. We don't need to go through each day with "terminal seriousness". Even for those of us who work in difficult environments, maintaining our sense of humour and being able to laugh at the challenges that face us daily, will help us to be happier people at the end of each day. A positive attitude will not only help us to feel better, plus have a beneficial effect on our general health, but it will have a wonderful spin-off effect on the people around us. Remember, "if you're happy, tell your face".

By Carole Fawcett

Happiness - Cause and Effect

Your reaction to the events around you determines how you feel and how you affect those you come into contact with. Consider the following example:

Jane, a bank executive, got caught in traffic on her way to an important presentation at a board of directors meeting. As a result, she was forty-five minutes late for her presentation. After the meeting Jane was in a really bad mood. Upon returning to her office she discovered that several expected reports were not there.

Jane called Kevin, her administrative assistant, into her office and reprimanded him for not ensuring the reports had arrived on time. Another department was preparing the reports. Kevin had no control over when they would be delivered. Jane was in a foul mood and she didn't want to hear any excuses.

Upset and stressed, Kevin called Donna, the secretary for the department preparing the reports. He started yelling at her that the reports that he had requested had not arrived. Although this was the first Donna had heard of the reports, Kevin didn't care. He was upset and took his anger out on Donna.

By the time she got off the phone with Kevin, Donna was seething. Who did Kevin think he was speaking to her like that? Just then, Ed from the mailroom called Donna to ask how she wanted a package shipped. Donna accused Ed of being an idiot for not knowing the package should be sent overnight because it was so important.

Ed tried to explain there was no way he could have known what she wanted. Donna just slammed the phone down in a huff. Ed was livid. Did Donna think he was a mind reader? Ed was still agitated as he went to the diner for lunch.

The diner was extremely busy. His waitress, Stacey, took longer than usual to take his order. Ed was annoyed with the slow service. He was rude to Stacey and left her a small tip. Stacy was running herself ragged and was offended by Ed's attitude and tip.

The rest of Stacey's shift seemed to drag. When she finally got off work, she was in no mood for any more hassles from anyone. As Stacey walked into her apartment, her five-year-old son, Jimmy, ran excitedly to greet her.

Stacey immediately noticed that Jimmy's pants were filthy. "I just washed those," she yelled. "Can't you keep anything clean?" Jimmy ran up to his room crying. His cat came over to him purring. Jimmy was so upset he kicked the cat.

Wouldn't it have saved a lot of people a lot of grief if Jane had gone directly to Stacey's house and kicked Jimmy's cat?

When you take out your frustrations on others you may be starting a cascading chain reaction. If someone takes out their frustrations on you, break the chain by not taking it out on someone else. When you react negatively to another's behavior you allow yourself to be drawn into their problems. You control your thoughts. If you feel annoyed, wait and think before speaking or acting.

Keep things in perspective. Let stress roll off you without grabbing hold of and internalizing it. Don't kick the cat.

By Bryan Golden